Sorry guys.

I've been busy with my life lately so I thought I'd apologize for not writing. So here is a nifty little video on the world slowest porsche

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaQB_tgS7f0&feature=player_embedded

I'll be here writing about serious body mods i.e. horn implants. tongue bisection, full face transplants, genital bisection and much much more. I really hope you don't have a weak stomach. 

I'd have sex with that thing

I've never paid much attention to all the technology that keeps flying by now a days and with all the new smart phones coming out every which way I almost feel like if you don't stay up to date with technology you will be left far behind. Just like when I tried teaching my mom about texting which was rigorous in its own sense. Now with that said it leads me into my next blog post, I have the worst luck when it comes to keeping myself protected from getting a computer virus that is, until I heard about apple. Word has it that the there are thousands of viruses terrorizing the windows operating system while only 50 haunt the mac. So thats when I broke down and decided to switch to apple and now my battle station is just a mouse, keyboard and monitor (NO TOWER OMGWTF). The sales guy took forever to get back to me and like any good store they have the top of the line equipment presented for you to try and thats when i got my first real taste of the ipad, not just some looking at it on TV or hearing about it on the interwebz but a good 20-30mins of just staring bull shit. In that time I found out that this over sized itouch was just, not meant for me so I took my imac home and fell in love, now its okay to switch from windows to mac or from mac to windows, just don't tell anyone that the ipad is not meant for you. As said best by one of my friends "You must be gay sense you don't like the ipad, I'd have sex with the damn thing because I'm pretty sure it has a vibrating app." so my manhood was challenged and I've spent the time in between this blog and the pirate one reading and playing with the ipad to see if she is right and that the ipad is so awesome and that if I'm gay for it.

     Lets start with the design, might I say that the ipad is one sexy itouch i think they up graded the iphone or whatever and gave the ipad the old iphone 3 look. Granted you might get made fun of by a non ipad lover for that exact joke but hey if you're that weird kid at school and everyone talks about how weird you are, you must be popular right? Other then the large resemblance of the itouch the 9.7in LED backlit screen with a 1024 by 768 pxl resolution at 132 ppi gives the ipad an amazing look not to mention its much lighter then your average notebook but on the downside at the apple store you can see all the finger marks on it as if the greesie fat kids came in after munchin down on cheetos to play with the ipads aren't they suppose to have some fingerprint resistant coating plus I'd really hate to drop the damn thing not to mention the speaker for the ipad are not meant for party settings their more of a at home speaker and I've never been a fan of the new style of texting on a smart phone but when it comes to the ipad that has the same kinda texting (or as some say "virtual keyboard") setup and thats what kept me using it at frys especially sense it had safari and I knew the imac came with it so I thought I'd try it, I'm personally a firefox user but still kinda float in between now on the imac, I'm not sure if people fully understand the differences in browsers I can only speak for myself I have different add ons I use. I don't I guess i like to keep one browser looking clean and one full of ad ons, but just like any other browser the one on the ipad has a place for you to put in a url and all the other standard features of a awesome browser. Lets not forget about the crazy tab feature, you click this picture of a square on top of a square and it brings you to this black page with little squares of other places for you surf the web and it saves the last page you were on, you can even add and delete squares!!

     During my 30 min of wrist breaking use of the ipad (I'm sure if I had purchased one I could find a comfortable way of using it) the sales man kindly informed me if I liked to read that I had an amazing product in my hand and that I could actually buy books from the app store, so i guess you readingfags can enjoy this $500-$900 product (that is after tax). Lets disregard paying for one, think if you had one for free man I would totally have to go with what my friend said. The ipads youtube interface is amazing grated it was a little confusing at first but really easy to get the hang of, i mean it had all the top videos in one spot and right above the top videos was a search bar for you to search for your video I know I could push the alleged 10 hour batterie life watching toob videos all day but I couldn't sit in the apple store for 10 hours just testing the batterie life (especially when all the ipads are plugged into chargers) yet I did have enough time to play with the apps which were yes entertaining but personally I'd get tired of the games and I'd start to feel like i was playing all the same game. Nothing compared to something that I could run on my imac but that's because the ipad currently doesn't use adobe only for the fact that adobe crashes mobile devices but there will be an update sooner or later and all it will be is just a usb plugin and you've got flash. Another downside is that the ipad doesn't have a camera it has this great photo system, way better then the iphoto program found on the imac but no camera, they also have all this editing software that can be downloaded but the apple guys said that there will be adobe and a camera but apple.com has no word on when that will happen the mac guys don't even know. thanks steve jobs. Here is the price once again from the apple store

Wi-Fi   16Gb                    32Gb                  64Gb
            $499                    $599                   $699




Wi-Fi+3G  16Gb              32Gb                 64Gb
                  $629              $729                  $829

     I hope you wait to for the flash update and the camera to be installed if you even decided to spend the money because the price is not worth it. $500 dollars for something that cant take pictures and it be the bare minimum isn't pleasant maybe in the future I'll be sporting an ipad and maybe by then it wont look like the retired iphone 3 look. (lol or maybe the iphone 4 will get a new look and they will give that old look to the ipad) For adding something new to the line of things apples sells besides its only 3 items the sell which are phones, mp3 player, PCs, and a tablet. Not bad apple but im sorry my friend, the ipad still isn't ment for me and btw I'm still pretty straight so do you want to get some lunch?

ARRRRG MATTIES!!

     I'm pretty sure almost every dude (and maybe some chicks) had the thought of being a fucking pirate and it being bad ass. I mean common whats better then living on a boat with a bunch of dudes, no running water so no toilet or shower, we're also in the 16th century so that means no cell phones, no internet, and lets hope your still alive after you risked your life boarding ships and killing people with swords and blasting someone wide open with a cannon just to steal their shit. Imagine, pirates had a 40lb cannon ball that they would fire into someone and they didn't stop there with the cannon stuff. Pirates even started using mortars which fired out 200lb cannon balls which were mostly used on ships. (protip: stand out of the way of that thing)  There has also been this debate between pirates and ninjas, come to find out that pirates even used something called boarding hooks. (a.k.a grappling hooks) Not so bad ass are we ninjas?

     Common though its all worth it in the end, its all about the riches right? Think about it you board another ship kill everyone on the damn ship and steal all their things maybe even find a treasure map and treasure hunt who know. You know pirate life probably isn't that bad. It's like a big club for guys and it's actually against the pirate rules for females to join, so what they would do is they would dress in men's clothing to get away with it. (I guess pirates couldn't be in a breast judging competition) Not to mention pirates lived good, sense almost every pirate ship had modified ships to hold more cannons and larger crew than merchant ships it was easy to steal chests of gold, silver and jewels. Coins were especially popular because pirate crews could share them out easily. Emeralds and pearls were the most common jewels that were mined in America and provided rich plunder. However, pirates did not only seize precious cargoes like these. They also wanted things they could use, such as food, barrels of wine and brandy, weapons, sails, anchors and other spare equipment for their ship, and essential tools such as those belonging to the ship's carpenter and surgeon.

     All this pirate talk started at my friends apartment when she put in that new peter pan movie (which was so sexually subjective to little kids. watch it for the lulz) I had been wondering what to "blog" about then that's when the secret to blogging came to my mind. (which I will share with you all at the end of this) The scene in movie when this came to me was when Captain James Hook put his hook on like a bad ass and then out of no where I bursted out with "THATS ITS!!" and that's when my friends look at with the wtf face and waiting for an explation on why i intrupted the stupid childrens movie. I told them I was going write about the pirate hook and what it was used for but in my search of information is seems like eveything about pirate hooks is fictional. When you search things like "history of the pirate hook" you get stuff about peter pan and captain hook, such fail! There's not even information on what you could use a hook for. So I just wrote about pirates instead and this brings me to the secret of blogging. Next blog you write take that time to learn something new and share your newly found information with others. That way you can gain some random knowledge and have something intresting to write about. I'll just leave this here with you, this pirate song I hope you enjoy and start singing it to all your friends. See you to Davy Jones scallywags.

The Pirate Song

To the mast nail our flag it is dark as the grave,
Or the death which it bears while it sweeps o'er the wave;
Let our deck clear for action, our guns be prepared;
Be the boarding-axe sharpened, the scimetar bared:
Set the canisters ready, and then bring to me,
For the last of my duties, the powder-room key.

It shall never be lowered, the black flag we bear;
If the sea be denied us, we sweep through the air.
Unshared have we left our last victory's prey;
It is mine to divide it, and yours to obey:
There are shawls that might suit a sultana's white neck,
And pearls that are fair as the arms they will deck.

There are flasks which, unseal them, the air will disclose
Diametta's fair summers, the home of the rose.
I claim not a portion: I ask but as mine
'Tis to drink to our victory - one cup of red wine.
Some fight, 'tis for riches - some fight, 'tis for fame:
The first I despise, and the last is a name.

I fight, 'tis for vengeance! I love to see flow,
At the stroke of my sabre, the life of my foe.
I strike for the memory of long-vanished years;
I only shed blood where another shed tears,
I come, as the lightning comes red from above,
O'er the race that I loathe, to the battle I love.

Insomniac

     Well I haven't been sleeping quite well lately and i think its insomnia. Actually for a quite awhile and sense everyone seems to be self diagnosing themselves thanks to webMD (the internets doctor) lately I thought Id jump on. Insomnia is simply a positive response to either of two questions: "Do you experience difficulty sleeping?" or "Do you have difficulty falling or staying asleep?" So if you said yes to any of that we can safely say you have insomnia. (im no doctor, so dont take my words like they are)

     Sense we answered yes, lets take a look and see what level were at. You can put insomnia into three different boxes there's transient which lasts for less than a week. There's acute which is the inability to consistently sleep well for a period of less than a month. Then there's chronic insomnia which is what I seem to have and that's characterized by that it lasts for longer than a month.

     Now in plain old insomnia it can be caused by another disorder, or it can be a primary disorder. It can be a change in the sleep environment, or even be the timing of sleep, severe depression can occure, or even some feelings of stress. Its consequences - sleepiness and impaired psychomotor performance - are similar to those of sleep deprivation. Now getting into chronic insomnia we can see many of the things just listed above but its effects can vary according to its causes. They might include muscular fatigue (dont have that yet), hallucinations(haha not that crazy), and/or mental fatigue(yeah thats the one); but people with chronic insomnia often show increased alertness(and that). Some people that live with this disorder see things as if they are happening in slow motion(wtf that'd be cool), wherein moving objects seem to blend together(thats cool too). Can cause double vision (fuck no).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuqEbRzy_t8&ob=av2n

   This video is exactly how I feel.

babys of the future

lol so i click the next blog button to scroll through blogs which is really a random button, and i see that there are a lot of blog about peoples kids. WTF? i really feel sorry for those kids, their going to grow up and later in life mommies going to say "look honey ive got a blog dedicated to you so the whole world can see you"

ahahaha i feel bad is all. poor kids.

A New Begining

id like start by thanking the robots from the internet for this super sexy and sensual name of a blog i have here. do you ever wonder about who you hang out with and why? i have and ive come to this. we have good and bad friends, young and old, or even friends on the internet with or without a picture. ive had friends that take my things (i.e dvds, games, books, magazines, cards, you name it) without asking, friends that lie, cheat, and steal but i cant forget about the friends that have loaned me money and told me not to worry about it, friends that have left me at there house alone while they go pick up their girlfriend, id say that those people trust me. so heres my question to you, why do we really hang out with the people we do? are you apart of the group that borrows my movies without asking and trys returning them a week later like i dont know or would you be the one bailing my ass out of jail and saying "na man dont worry about the money i know you would do the same for me."

personally in my oppinion you dont find many good people here on earth, its like the finding a needle in a fucking hay stack. keep the ones that are good and keep weeding out the rest is what i say. i mean do we feel comfortable with the people were around even if they are a piece of shit or not i donno friends and shit have been hard to understand. ugh my brain is full of fuck on this one. maybe you know better then i do about it.

it all takes is time.